Transcribed and typed by Uersti through the interdimensional protal
Date : 02/01/2008
My name is Uersti and I would like to share my experience of me while I was here on earth, which you may find quite similarly relate to your experience you’re currently having of you in this world.
Where do I start…
We were five children: Four boys and One girl – I myself was that one girl and I was the youngest in the family. My mother had raised us all by herself, as I never knew my father – he had died during war. We lived just outside of town – we provided our own food for ourselves, only other necessities we would purchase from town.
My mother had died when I was 9 – she just one day suddenly collapsed while out hanging the washing and she didn’t wake up. So I was left to be raised by my brothers…
When I was 9, the eldest brother was 21, the one after that was 19, the one after that was 15, the one after that was 12. We went to the local school, but where we lived was a very poor area, very much so. We then worked wherever we could find something to do and attended to our own food garden and made our own bread and everything so we looked after ourselves.
My eldest brother was in this ‘group’, a clan, who worshipped and prayed spirits – they used to wear garments made from the earth such as plants, made a fire and would dance around the fire and offer ‘already dead animals’, which they found in the area within which we stayed, to the spirits so that the spirits may rest their souls – because they believed that if they were to do this, the spirits would save/spare their soul when they were to die one day and go to the kingdom of the high. I remember my oldest brother telling me stories of all this and how he can feel the spirits come into him and the others as they present the dead animals to the spirits to save the dead animals’ souls wherever they may be – and how the spirits come through them and speak and act strangely while dancing around the fire. Not all my brothers were involved in this – only the fifth and the fourth and the third. My brother who was 12 was very quiet – me and him were the closest, he was too afraid of the spirits to join the group/clan which was called: The Kingdom of the High, but I was curious – I was not afraid.
So, when I was 10, almost 11 – my eldest brother returned from one of their worship evenings and he said to me that the spirits told everyone in the clan/group through him that they must bring me, because I am very important, I must be the princess of the clan/group and that I am here on earth for the spirits. That the spirits sent me here to earth for them, so that they may come to earth and save all the souls of the dead that already has died, especially the animals – because the animals were seen as the most holy of species on the earth – and when they for instance would find a dead dog in the streets which was thrown out and left for dead = such animals they would take and offer to the spirits.
I was very much excited, but my brother that came just before I did warned me, he did not want me to go – but I didn’t listen. I really adored my brothers as I always felt that they took care of me, they were always perfect around me and I felt as though they understood what I was feeling inside, especially when my mother died – because I felt alone, they took the feeling alone away because they spent so much time with me. I felt very sad and I missed her a lot, they took the feeling away when they made me laugh or played with me with my dolls or outside they’d have me play with them with the ball. They all became my mother and my father which I did not have anymore and which I did not know. I always felt safe and protected and I loved them with all my heart – during that time, I was an innocent girl, experiencing herself being enveloped with love and care after all that I had gone through with my mother dying – it was difficult to in some way comfort myself when she died, because I was initially scared to be left alone with my brothers only because they were always mean, angry, irritable and short-tempered, but they changed with me when my mother died – and everything was alright for about one year or two – until I joined their group / clan along with many others. Altogether there were nine in the group / clan – I was the youngest, the rest were all males.
So, the evening came when my brothers and I, the on that warned me was selected to the responsibility of watching over the house/home while we were away. The place of worship was behind an old building, about 45 minutes walk away from where we stayed, far away from civilization, behind a hill. When we arrived, the fire was already burning and the other people were already there – there was a stack of dead animals by the fire. I remember seeing two dead dogs, a rat, three dead cats, part of a cow it seemed, even little creatures such as beetles and lizards – the smell was awful. There was a wide circle made around the fire, in the lining of the circle they placed white flowers. My eldest brother made me a dress from a white sheet and I had to walk barefoot to this particular place – my feet were hurting and bleeding because I walked into thorns and bumped my toes on rocks because it was dark – but my brothers told me that it’s part of initiating me into the circle of The Kingdom of the High and that they also had to walk their first walk barefoot.
Then there were smaller circles around the bigger circle around the fire, those circles were also aligned with white flowers – these were the circles within which we were going to stand.
There was an old man there – he was sitting alone infront of a pot, brewing something which smelt almost as awful as the all the dead animals together – he had long grey hair, his face was wrinkly, his eyes seemed to be empty as though there was nothing behind his eyes looking through them: I remember thinking: He is a living ghost and I thought he was maybe one of the spirits here on earth.
I remember being honoured by being part of all this, and I vowed within me to not disappoint my brothers and neither the spirits. I felt very important. I felt special. I felt wanted. I felt a sense of belonging. I felt as though I have a purpose, a task in this world which is very important: And because of this – I was not afraid. I loved animals and it was very sad and heartbreaking for me about the way they died and I was very honoured to be able to send their souls to the spirits to take care of them and I knew I would feel special in doing so, because I would have wanted someone to do it for me – so I would give myself, my life to the animals and would do whatever necessary, for as long as I can – to take as many souls of the animals to the spirits. I loved animals and I knew they were being treated in this world as they shouldn’t be treated – I even felt this in my own life, that I nor anyone in this world should experience any pain, or sadness – so I hoped that if I worship the Spirits and please them – they would make my life better, maybe I could even take the pain and sadness from everyone in this world if the Spirits approve of me – because I am a princess of the Spirits and I will use what has been given to me to help as many people and animals from their suffering in this world. I was proud of my brothers, I was proud of them that they cared about the animals and I knew within me that because of this the Spirits was good also and that’s also why I did not have any fear inside me.
My eldest brother said to me that I must walk up to the old man and kneel before him. So I did – I was extremely nervous because I wanted to do everything perfect. As I approached the old mad, he took a knife – I remember his breathing being loud and heavy and his hands were shaking a bit. He took the knife, lifted his pants up from his left leg which exposed his left thigh and there were many cut marks on his leg – almost so much that there were only contours of cuts seen on his leg – I was from nervous to frightened. He took the knife and he cut his leg – I wanted to tear my eyes away, but my eyes were fixed on the entire procedure of him cutting his leg and see the blood dripping from it – it was one deep cut. He sucked the blood from his leg and waved at me to come forward, so I stood up from my kneeling position and went to him – he kissed me with his blood soaked lips on the forehead, cheeks, neck and the centre of my chest area. He said to me that he carries the blood of the Spirits and he has blessed me with the blood of the spirits. It made sense to me – so I was alright with it. He then gave me a wooden cup of the brew he was making in the pot and he said to me to drink it – it was the drink of the earth, from the earth – so when I drink from the earth, of the earth – I am belonging to the earth, blessed by the blood of the spirits and so I would be the servant of the spirits of the earth and travel amongst and be protected within the Circle of the Kingdom of the High. And so I drank the brew – after I drank the whole cup – everyone else around us started celebrating and I felt very weary, because everything I was seeing around me started meshing together into one – I did not see the individual shapes around me like you normally do – It was like seeing a painting of a house and trees around it clearly with a fire burning and lots of people around it, but then all the colors and shapes of the painting started meshing into one another. I just saw colours all around me and people around me vaguely, very vaguely – but I felt wonderful and I could just feel myself smiling all the time: Free is the word. I felt someone take my hand, it felt like my brothers’ and he said: You’re one of us now, you belong to the spirits – and so we danced around the fire, we threw the dead animals into the fire and I could actually see their trapped souls moving from within the carcasses going up, up, up – into the stars – they were in the stars! And I saw all sorts of white people behind all the other people as we were dancing, but they weren’t dancing with us – they were watching, and they had black eyes, but everything else was white. I wasn’t afraid.
When all the dead animals were thrown into the fire and we finished dancing – we all lay in a circle with our feet connected, watching the stars – the Kingdom of the High were in the stars where the spirits live – and that’s where we sent them I believed. I have never felt so happy.
My brother who stayed at home was very concerned when I shared with him what we were doing – he thought it was of evil. I was determined to have him know that it was good. We only did this once a week – the gathering took place once a week only.
So the following week we went again, I was only 11 years old at the time. Though this time I would find out from the Spirits what my task would be as the Princess of the spirits. When we gathered together, we all drank once more from the brew the old man prepared and I again had the experience of everything going hazy, yet experiencing myself quite wonderful. I did not then think it was the brew I was drinking – I believed that it was the Spirits that came into me and I was seeing through their eyes the world. My older brother walked up to me after he had gone to the hill to speak alone with the Spirits – he said to me that the Spirits told him that my first task was to take care of the old man for them – as he was very old and frail and he is one of their most cherished humans on earth – because he was the one who they appointed to start the Circle of the Kingdom of the High and it is a very special task to be done and the Spirits will be much pleased. I was afraid – to be alone with this old man, but I believed that the Spirits would take care of me and my brothers would protect me. So I agreed.
I continued to go to school still, always – never told anybody with what I was involved in. I took care of the old man for two years until I was thirteen – I read for him, I cooked for him, my brothers brought us food for a week and I took care of us. He told me many stories and I enjoyed him – he was like a grandfather to me. Until he one evening died – I only found out the next morning. So, my older brother was then selected to the leader for the Circle of the Kingdom of the High. Everything went fine for those years from about eleven to thirteen – but when I turned fourteen… everything started going very badly. Because in the gathering when my brother was to be the leader – I had to then take care of him alone and the two of us were to stay in the home where the old man lived. I was a servant of the Spirits and I was proud to be.
Though – when alone with my oldest brother – he said to me I must bare a child of the Spirits through him – that the child I will have will be of the Spirits and will be the first child into this world of the Spirits and so we will be the first to bring the Spirits into earth to help the animals and other human beings to show them how we must live – to stop the pain and suffering in this world.
I did not want to do it. I was very, very, very scared – but my brother was always so nice towards me and I vowed to do anything / everything possible to please the Spirits. So I did – but I told him only once. It was a very painful experience – he was very rough with me. Not gentle as I experienced him to be when he speaks to me or plays with me or help me with my school work. All in the family had a place to work so we did earn just enough money to take care of ourselves.
I just said to myself that it’s okay – I’m doing this for the animals, for the people suffering and in pain. But then, after that, my brother continued to come into my room some evenings and I could smell that he was drunk – I tried to kick him out of my bed and say to him: No! But he was much stronger than me and he forced me down, sometimes hit me, he even hit me so hard that I’d be unconscious and when I wake up, find blood on the sheets because he had sex with me so hard that I started to bleed. This continued for about three weeks – and we still went to gatherings every week and I remained with my brother. I prayed to the Spirits to protect me and wondered why they’re not protecting me and why they’re having my brother do this to me, I am in pain and I am suffering. How can I help the other people and the animals if I am in pain and suffering? So I went to speak to my older brother and he said to me that the Spirits made him this way so I can understand what pain and suffering the world feel to understand it, to understand them and only when they are satisfied that I understand pain and suffering will they have my brother stop being who they made him to be to prepare me to also become the leader of the Circle of the Kingdom of the High.
I did not expect this. I thought I was here to help the Spirits stop the pain and suffering – not have me also go through this. I felt sorry for my brother; because I thought it must be difficult for him also – because the Spirits was asking much of us. But I did it. He hit me, threw me around the house, hurt me by having sex with me – I at a stage felt like I was breaking inside me. I hid all the bruises when going to school. When I was 17 – all these years I continued to experience as much pain and suffering unto myself as possible so that the Spirits can say that I have had enough – but it never happened. I, when I was 17 – had difficulty walking – my muscles were painful and I had sores on my body. I finished school and everything. I continued the gatherings – but even then I stopped seeing the animal’s souls’ going into the stars – I just saw the animals burning, drinking the brew – dancing. But all that I held onto is that when this is done, I will finally be able to help the way I wanted to the animals and the humans on earth to stop the suffering. I could not speak to anyone about my experiences – because I swore an oath unto the Spirits that I will not speak a word of the most important task appointed to me. Of having a child of the Spirits and the Spirits having to turn my brother into what he had become to prepare me for my task in this world for the Spirits. And the oath was that I would be burned alive as with the animals and cast my soul unto them in the Stars so as to receive my due punishment if I were to utter one word to anyone. So I stayed away from as many people as possible – even also all my brothers. The one brother who was concerned for me always left – the one I also held most dearly.
I didn’t experience me as having a family any longer: All my other brothers were on their own way concerned with only themselves, all I knew what existed is me being prepared by the Spirits, by continuously experiencing suffering and pain through my brother – for three to four years I was inflicted with pain, shouting, cursing, hitting – treated as though I was nothing, dirt, filth, worthless – I even looked it. I was in a horrible condition. But I swallowed everything in, I embraced the pain and suffering inflicted on me by my brother – as much as I could absorb I did, to the point as I say where I could barely walk properly, I was thin and underfed. I within me wondered how on earth I could still be alive because there was nothing more left within me, but this tight experience of anger, sadness, resentment by doing nothing to protect myself against my brother, but lying there open arms always inviting in as much infliction of pain and suffering I am able to handle. I believed that it was the strength of the Spirits within me keeping me alive because I could not see any other way for me being alive.
I often went alone unto the hills and prayed for the Spirits – I exposed my bruises unto the heavens, the stars, cried out my tears of pain, of sadness – I did not dare express anger towards them, only unto myself – I did it all to myself – hoping the Spirits would stop what I’m experiencing. I could not imagine that human beings and animals were enduring so much suffering and pain as I have. But I did not know and I believed the Spirits knew best. I grew up with the Spirits, the Circle of the Kingdom of the High – it was my life – therefore I did what I had done.
I only became pregnant with a child of the Spirits when I was eighteen. I informed my brother and I remember how happy he was. He said finally – now the Spirits will lay us to rest and we may continue with our task. I was relieved and grateful for the both of us when I experienced me being pregnant – because I knew it was a sign of the Spirits saying to me that I had had enough pain and suffering and that I now understand the pain and suffering of human beings and the animals and I am prepared and ready to finally fulfill my task of freeing human beings, the world and the animals from the suffering.
But I strongly doubted if I would be able to carry a child in my condition and I informed my brother of my concern – I was abused extensively for three to four years, even breathing had become painful. So he then took care of me properly – my brother I knew had returned, transformed – and only on that, I knew everything was worth it. I never again walked properly, nor walked without pain – I had to use a stick of sorts to help me walk. During the time I was pregnant with the child my brother took care of me wonderfully – I hadn’t felt so healthy and whole within me for a long time. I did not attend any of the gatherings while I was pregnant – I remember crying a lot, but from gratefulness and thanks to the Spirits and that I did not doubt them.
Then a tremendous shock: I started experiencing much pain when I was four months about into the pregnancy. I started becoming ill. My brother brought one of the other member’s mother’s to come and have a look as she was known to be a healer of special medicines of the earth. She said she could feel the baby is in much pain and agony which is why I was in much pain and agony. She used all sorts of healing methods on me for four to five days – I was alone with her in the room, very, very, very ill, much fever – I remember always feeling wet, cold, shivering – it felt like eternity. I even believed I spoke to my mother while in the state, she was there with me, holding my hand – I believed this also to be the Spirits helping me to get through this. But then, on the sixth day – there was blood coming out of me, much blood – and the woman screamed. Then, the baby came out – but dead, I pushed it out, as though I was pushing out something that wasn’t supposed to be in my body.
My brother came in along with other members of the Circle of the Kingdom of the High – he looked at me, he had tears in his eyes and he said to me: You had failed us, you had failed the spirits. I could see the disappointment in his eyes – all the other members walked out, the woman attended to me, cleared the blood, washed me as though I was her own daughter and stayed with me throughout the night. The following day I was left alone in the house within tremendous pain and I still very much experienced myself being very ill. I crept in and out of consciousness – the woman still only came in the evenings to attend to me and I only could get up on my feet two weeks later. I had not seen my brother since the moment he had said to me that I had failed him and the Spirits – the woman did not want to let me know of anything with regards to how my brother was doing.
When I finally could get up on my feet I one evening set out to join the gathering. I did not know whether I should go or not, I was experiencing immense fear and uncertainty. All members were there – but there was a new girl, she was the same age as me when I started joining the gathering and she was also in a white dress, but a beautiful white dress, not as the white sheet I was wearing. My brother saw me – he yelled for me stop and not come any closer. I stopped – I had such a fright because I could just hear his anger and disgust within his voice when he yelled for me to stop and not come any closer. So I stopped, immediately – I had to talk to him, I had to understand what is going on – because it’s been only through him that I hear the Spirits speak to me, I have tried to speak to them, but I only got answers through events / signs not actual speaking. He looked me in the eyes and he said: I have said to you, you have failed us and you have failed the spirits. You can be grateful the Spirits still spared your life – you did not die. Be grateful that you’re still living – your life has only been spared because you remained loyal to the Spirits – but because the child died, you are no longer the Princess of the Spirits, you cannot be, the child couldn’t make it inside you. They have appointed another – there she is. Anger, no, rage, consumed me – I yelled to the skies: I gave up my life for this task which you appointed to me – you know what I have been through for you. This is my task to set the people and the animals free from their pain and suffering – I know what pain and suffering is! My brother took me by the shoulders and said: You have failed – you are not strong enough. You cannot be here anymore – we are done with you, the spirits are done with you – the new Princess to fulfill your task is already here, her preparation has already begun – it is done. Go now and do with yourself what you will – be grateful to the spirits that they have spared your life! My brother said to me that the Spirits told him to search for the new Princess as I have failed and that I must go in gratefulness – for the gift I have received from them for being loyal to them for so long is sparing my life, to live my life here as I please – as well as that I understand now what suffering and pain the world endures.
I was angry, no words could lay my experience within me to rest. I ran – I ran towards all the other members of the gathering, aiming for the girl – IT WAS MY TASK, I do not accept that it is over – I did not go through all that pain and suffering for nothing – I have a purpose to fulfill. Though, before I could get to her – all the other members caught me and carried me far away from the gathering and threw me down onto the ground, into the dirt – exactly as I experienced myself within me: Dirty, filthy, worthless – exactly as I experienced myself through all those years of what the Spirits did to me through him. All my brothers said to me that they cannot anymore associate themselves with me anymore because the spirits had left me – they said to me that’s why my other brother left, because the spirits didn’t recognize him to be one of the Circle of the Kingdom of the High. My brothers said to me that if they were to see me ever again – they will burn me alive.
Something was wrong…
They cannot be good if they would send me through all that pain and suffering and then just leave me alone. The Spirits are evil – this is what I now experienced of them. They are evil because they transform people into monsters and then they abuse innocent beings as I once was. I believed that they possessed people and made them monsters and then play with us because they have fun of doing it – they had fun watching me suffer and be in pain – this cannot be good! I was so stupid, so naïve to believe it – pain and suffering is not good – I would never have or want anyone to experience what I have – so how can the Spirits be good if they did this unto me and now leave me alone – with nothing and no-one, only the clothes I wear is what I have with nowhere to go. I lay there as I got spat on and kicked – my brother said to me as they were doing this that they must to prove to the spirits their loyalty to the spirits that they will not ever see me again or help me again – but ban me – I am no longer worthy of being in the presence of those of the Spirits. I did not cry – I could not cry, I was quiet within me all the way through as I lay there – everything of me was gone within me, there was nothing left of me within me – it was taken and ripped out from within me – the Spirits have taken me – I am empty and I am nothing: This was my experience. I just felt like a body being kicked and spat on – nothing more, nothing less. There was just nothing – the depth of despair was so great that the feeling thereof was as though there was nothing: I lost everything – I lost me – I was gone…
I was left there – again bleeding and bruised, by dress torn, barefoot I was laying there in the fetal position, the cold breeze of the night blowing on my open soars, my breath. That’s all I felt, my breath, my body on the soft ground of the earth, my body bruises hurting, the wind blowing on my open sores, blood trickling down my body. My hair blowing over my face – sand on my lips, in my throat – I was cold. I did not care – I just lay there. Not even the desire of wanting to die was within me – there was just NOTHING. I decided to stay there and sleep, and if I wake up the following morning I will stand up…
I woke up the following morning, cold – my body was badly bruised, my muscles tense. I first got up with my arms – I really had to force myself up – it was very difficult, as though I was standing up for the first time in my life. I got up to my knees, and I looked around – deserted – I was alone. This I experienced when I was nineteen. I had difficulty getting up, but I got up – my entire body in immense pain – I got quite a beating. I had no reason for getting up, for standing up – I just said to myself the previous evening that if I were awake the following morning I would stand up – and so I did – I just stood up. I did not have a reason, nor a purpose to stand up, to force myself to stand up – I just did. I then decided to look for my brother, to search for him, the one I had not seen in years – maybe he could help me.
I did not know anyone at the time except for those who were in the Circle of the Kingdom of the High – I had to look for help, for someone to help me. I yelled into the skies that morning and said: I am here day and night –you are not here day and night – you are here only in the night. I curse you, I condemn you, I hate you – I vow to me myself that I will expose you, your evil, your deception which you flounder to others in this world – you are the one’s responsible for the pain and suffering in this world – you are doing this to the animals and human beings and you are doing nothing to help them. You are causing the suffering and pain – you the one’s that hide in the night. You cannot even kill me without doing it through someone, you are weak – I am not afraid of you! I live!
And this gave me courage – immense courage within me when I stood up to the Spirits – when I realised that I am not afraid of them anymore because I know that they cannot touch me, but through others.
So I went into town. It took me two hours to walk instead of 45 minutes. No-one wanted to help me, I knocked on doors for someone to help me, but the doors were shut in my face because they said to me they will not have evil in their homes and they were scared of me because of what I looked like, they thought I had a disease because of all the burn marks I had on me also which looked like sores of an disease, they thought I was a beggar on the streets, no-one recognized me because I hadn’t been in town in years. I went to the healer that was there – no-one was home. There was a city nearby, but it was more than half a days’ travel to there – and I thought that maybe my brother went there. All I could do was walk as is – maybe, maybe someone will take a moment and help me…
I walked out of town, slowly but surely, one step at a time, barefoot with a torn dress – I was hungry, I was tired, I was sore, I was in pain – every step was painful, but the pain started going away as I continued to walk – walking towards the city in hope of finding my brother. I stopped occasionally along the road for a moment to rest, it was a dirt road to town – we lived in the outstretches of the city. There was no-one and nothing on the road – I was alone. But I knew I could do it – because I have gone through years of pain and suffering – if I could get through that, I can most certainly do this.
So I continued walking, as I’ve said, one step at a time, one foot infront of the other until I collapsed. I do not know how long I lay there, but when I woke up it had started to become evening. I lay there for a while when I was awake and then I stood up again and continued to walk with great difficulty – I did sometimes wonder whether I would make it…
From behind me I heard horses coming – finally someone on the way to the city, I stood there and waited for them to pass me by. It was a woman with her husband and child on their way into the city – I looked very young then, they stopped for me and one couldn’t see so clearly in the evening as to what I looked like. The husband asked me what I am doing in the middle of nowhere and I told them that I was attacked by men and I desperately require getting to a healer or doctor. The woman had taken a blanket and she seemed very concerned for me – she placed the blanket over me and I lay down at the back of the cart. We reached the city much later in the evening. I refer to it as a city because it was much larger, civilized and bigger than the town from which we came.
We stopped at a home, the woman walked out into the house and informed another man of my situation. They took me into the home from the back – the two men had to carry me in, my legs just couldn’t move, they wouldn’t move. When I was in the light of the house – the woman and husband saw what condition I was actually in and had quite a fright to say the least. They left in a hurry and I was placed within a bathtub without water – just put in there. Two other woman came with white clothes and they bathed me with gloves, standing quite a foot away. They took care of my sores, I had food to eat and I remember falling asleep in the most comfortable bed and I drifted away.
I woke up two days later I found out. The man who was the caretaker of the home – he works with emergency cases he informed me, so he works in the evenings only. He asked me what had happened to me and I had told him what I have shared with you in this document so far and that I am here to find my brother. And he said the daftest thing: ‘Quite a story for a girl coming from the streets, you’ve got quite an imagination young lady.’ He reported me to an ‘official officer’, because he did not know what else to do with me, who came to get me and I was place into a cell within which I stayed for three days. I’d say he was more afraid of me because he knew nothing about me and was scared that I’d steal something from his home.
I pleaded for them to find my brother and I informed them where they’re able to catch those that gather in the meetings in the evenings once a week: But they did not want to believe me, they thought ‘the streets got to me’. They did not even believe where I told them I came from – based on the ridiculousness of my experience I shared. They searched for my brother as I had asked and they actually found him. He came to get me. He had done quite well for himself, he had a fine suit, with a fine hat, fine shoes – and he walked me to his home. It was a little apartment. He did not speak to me – I wanted to hug him the first moment I saw him, I for a first time, in a long time experienced warmth within me, but he just turned around. I didn’t blame him, I was not angry – I understood. When we came into his apartment – I fell down on my knees and I cried, and I cried and I cried and he came to me and placed his arms around me and held me until I stopped. He made me tea and he sat me down and that’s when I told him everything of what happened over the years since I last saw him.
At first he shouted at me, he was angry with me, disappointed – I recognized all that he expressed in that moment as what I experienced towards me when I realised what I had done with the Spirits and how I could’ve been so stupid to believe it. But then, then he came to me and he said: It’s all right, you’re okay now. I once again felt safe, protected and that evening I again slept well and comfortably.
When I woke up the following morning – my brother introduced me to a preacher. I had no idea of what ‘God’ was or ‘Jesus’ was or what a ‘Preacher’ was. Before the preacher talked to me, my brother sat me down and he said to me that he had found his saviour: Jesus Christ of God and it saved his life. There was a book on the table – called: Bible. He briefly explained to me what he believed in and he said he wouldn’t be where he is now, who he is now without Jesus in his heart and he believes that there exists a God who watches over us all and holds all in ‘His’ heart. Within me I had one thought: More Spirit lies. I did not want to have anything to do with Spirits and this ‘God’ he spoke of sounded very much like a Spirit. I listened to what the preacher had to say – that I am able to save myself from burning in hell with the Devil and go to heaven if I but allow Jesus into my heart, read the Bible, pray to God and go to church always and ask Jesus / God to forgive me for my sins. I was speechless.
After the preacher left – my brother said: Let God, let Jesus into your heart, pray for forgiveness for all your sins – cast out the evil inside you and have Jesus save you, then you, when you die, and I when I die will go to heaven and be within God.
Within the anger I said to him: How can you believe this God is good, how can you believe that He watches over us – after all that I had told you of what had happened to me? His answer was simply: Because you had not yet let God/Jesus into your heart. I stood there in absolute disbelief – because this belief which he explained sounded no more different than what I believed with the Spirits. There is the same: Worship and prayer towards a Spirits of sorts – though the Spirits I believed in did not have a ‘Holy Book’ – so in some way this particular Spirit ‘God’ seemed to be making quite a popular name for itself – but for me, within me – this ‘God’ seemed no different than the Spirits I experienced, this ‘God’ / ‘Jesus’ also ‘needs someone to talk through’ as in the case with the preacher just as the Spirits talked through my brother: No different.
I spoke to my brother about the similarities of the Spirits and this God Spirit and that there is no difference whatsoever – it’s Spirits fooling around with us human beings, through other human beings, playing a deceptive game with us and enjoying our suffering and pain. He said to me: I thought you might react this way – come in men. And then two men burst into the room suddenly, I had not seen them before. They grabbed me by the arms and forced me to the floor and I was kicking and screaming and they threw me unto the floor. I yelled and I screamed and I said to my brother that the Spirits are fooling him, are playing with him – they want you to worship and pray to them and do their will and so they deceive you, they are the one’s doing the suffering and pain – nothing and no-one else. And that they can’t do anything to harm you but through someone else. The Preacher was suddenly there again. My brother held my feet to the ground, the two other men held my arms and the preacher was standing above me with a cross that was wet and the Bible in his left hand. He spoke a strange language, words that I didn’t understand. I screamed for my brother and I asked him what he’s doing to me and he said that the preacher is coming to cast the possession of evil from within me, because it’s the evil by which I am possessed that doesn’t want me to take Jesus/God into my heart, not me. He just kept saying: Accept Jesus, accept God – the other two men were praying for me silently mumbling words of prayer to God and Jesus. I just kept saying: You’re the one’s possessed – not me!!!
I had enough of screaming and kicking and yelling and struggling – so I just stopped and I breathed. When I stopped, everyone else stopped and stared at me and the preacher asked me: How do you feel my child? And I merely replied: I am fine, I’m feeling alright, I would just like to rest. So, they picked me up from the floor. The Preacher inspected me, looked within my eyes, made me make all sorts of sounds to hear my voice and he informed my brother: All is fine – it is done and if he experiences anything strange – he must call on them again. I deliberately took the Bible and went into the room and closed the door to have them think they had actually done something.
As I lay in bed – I thought the entire world was possessed by the Spirits – Spirits showing themselves in all sorts of different ways to deceive human beings, but they didn’t deceive me. I knew the truth. I then understood that it’s be the most impossible to task to have anyone listen to me – because the Spirits possessed them all and in that moment I felt alone, very much alone within this entire world as the only one knowing the deception of the Spirits within which human beings believed. I did not know what to do. I most certainly refuse to believe in any Spirit whatsoever and I knew that if I didn’t respond to my brother’s belief he would send those possessed men again to try and have me be possessed by the Spirits to worship and pray to them. I had nowhere else to go…
I lay there during the day until evening – my brother checked in now and then as I heard the door open, but I made as though I was asleep – I did not want to talk to him, I did not want to talk to anyone as I really believed that this whole world must already be possessed by these Spirits, the spirits own the world and they play and have fun with human beings suffering and pain: This I was certain of. So I started wondering about death from the perspective that: If everything else the Spirits told me about themselves and how I must live and do and be loyal unto them was a lie – then what about what will happen to me when I die. Because I most certainly understood they had no power here but through humans – and they deceive through what they say to humans and through humans – so, who says that they had not lied about heaven/hell or going to be with the spirits or when I die and I have not been loyal to the sprits they will condemn and punish me in death as I was told by my brother? I knew there must be Spirits of sorts – so I will still exist when I die. And in the moment it seemed a brilliant idea to remove myself from this world – maybe I would be able to do something on the other side and speak to humans here – maybe then they’ll hear me…
I wasn’t afraid at the time to remove myself from this world – not at all. Because I understood that here I had no chance and I don’t know what would happen to me if I simply refused to believe in the Spirits or give myself to them. I didn’t know anybody else, but from what I experienced thus far in my life – it seemed the entire world was governed by them. I didn’t want to exist in this Spirit possessed world within which they force me to give myself to them and worship, praise and pray to them to in such a way give them an opportunity to possess me. So I got up, very much determined – took a knife from the kitchen, went to my bed – and cut my wrists – very deeply to ensure the certainty of death. I remember the pain being so extensively intense, all the blood around me – and I feel unconscious, my last moment on earth. And I died.
When I died – I realised I was right, I still exist and I immediately set out for my brother, to go into him and talk to him. But, the moment I died – everything was white around me, as though I was enclosed in something. I still looked the same: Long brown curly hair with a white gown within which I died, though now without blood. Two men approached me. Two men with wings, with a bright golden and white light resonating from within them, golden brown straight hair, perfect features and also with white robes and I immediately within me knew: Spirits. I demanded from them that they show me the way back to earth where all the other humans exist and to not keep me here with them. They smiled and they said no: They will let me spend eternity with the Creator of All – earth and human beings is the Creators concern and not mine, I am now able to go and rest.
I laughed, I laughed and I laughed and I laughed. I refused to – I simply refused to, because this bloody Creator is probably ‘THE SPIRIT’ that is responsible for all the suffering and pain on this earth and that they just want me to go there so that I can shut up and forget what I had experienced here on earth, so that I can forget about what is being done unto human beings here on earth, that this Spirit is responsible for all the pain and suffering of everyone in this world. They just wanted to send me there so that I won’t speak to human beings on earth, so that they can find out the truth of what the bloody Spirits are doing to them. I couldn’t just go and apparently experience rest, bliss and peace when I know within me the truth of what is being done unto human beings on earth and what I experienced within me: The deceiver in this existence is that very Spirit and so were these two beings also servants of the Spirits, trying to manipulate me with bliss, peace and rest so that they can so control me to not speak out the truth to human beings on earth. I expressed this to them and they just looked at me straight in the eyes and said: You condemned yourself. And they left, they left me in that enclosure of white and that’s all I ever existed within and I couldn’t get out of it – because everywhere I ran to, or walked to, up down, left right, diagonally – was only white: With no-one and nothing around me. They came, they returned once in a while, asking me the same question – I’ll either remain in here alone or return to the Creator. They tried to manipulate me by saying – it’ll be better there than being here. What’s really the difference…etc. But I refused – I will not give myself to the Spirit or spirits or any spirit for that matter and they would not send be back to earth either. I knew I was no good where I was trapped within – but I would not, I would not give myself to the Spirits.
So I remained within the enclosure for many, many, many, many earth years until the dimensions started changing and I was ‘freed’ from this enclosure within which I was trapped and all being’s within the dimensional existence’s process started to where we are now: All within the dimensions assisting and supporting themselves to stand within and as oneness and equality as life – the exact same process to exist here on earth for each and every single individual human being on earth. Thus – all the ‘spirits’ that tried and attempted to control and deceive human beings no more exist as they did – as all such separation has stopped.
(To explain the entire process which I experienced within the interdimensional existence would take me books to write, thus I will now continued with what I have realised:)
Solbeena, I do understand your current experience of you. I as you as all human beings within this world as all dimensional beings who have been within this world have experienced some greatly horrific experiences within this world – most of them, almost unspeakable.
Being abused, manipulated, deceived, lied to – the experience thereof becoming so much – it’s as though you’re completely surrounded by it, always, no matter where you turn, as though you’re in it as it and you cannot get away from it – deception, lies, dishonesty, abuse, manipulation – to the point where you feel that you’re suffocating in it, and it seems there is no way out. The sadness, the anger, the pain, the suffering becomes so great one tends to wonder how one can possibly continue to exist in such a way…
I understand that you’re currently thinking that removing yourself from this world will solve all that you are experiencing within you and your world currently. That when you remove yourself from this world you’ll get away from the stalkers, your family, your whole world…but what you must hear Solbeena is that you may think/believe that it is your current situation as the stalkers, your family and your entire experience in this world that is the reason and cause of you wanting to remove yourself from this world…but it is not. You may think/believe that if you were to remove yourself from this world everything there inside you, you experience, all the pain and suffering, will just ago away and in the dimensions you will find rest and peace and everything will just go away…it will not and it is not so.
Solbeena – your experience of you will not change in the dimensions, because you currently think / believe that it is your situation / circumstance that is currently causing the experience within you, that the world has let you down, has left you, your family has let you down, has left you – but it is not so, this is not the truth.
The real situation is that you don’t want to live with yourself anymore – you feel broken, lost, worthless, alone, abused, bruised, torn within you – and you just want the pain and suffering to stop within you, and you think/believe that removing yourself from this world will be the solution to the pain and suffering you experience within you: It is not Solbeena – because now, each and every single human being that cross-over face all that they have accepted and allowed themselves to be and become within themselves – thus, just as you are experiencing you in this moment, you will experience the exact same within the dimensions and much more intense than what you’re ever able to imagine – because it’s not where you are in this world, nor what your current situation is in this world that is the ‘problem’ – the reason and cause for all your experiences within you is because of acceptance and allowance within you of you – nothing and no-one else is responsible.
Thus – now, each one will face their own self responsibility, face all that they have accepted and allowed within themselves – whether here on earth or in the dimensions: There is no escape from self and you will face this process of taking self responsibility for what you have accepted and allowed within you.
This is done so Solbeena – that each one must realise that each and every single one of us have been responsible for what we’ve done unto ourselves and others as ourselves within existence as what we’re currently experiencing ourselves to be: This is done through facing ourselves, facing all that we have become within ourselves and experience within ourselves, to stand up within ourselves and take self responsibility for ourselves to no more accept and allow anything less than who we are in every moment of breath, here. So that we may stop, so that we may stop all that we have become and experience within ourselves and to not ever again allow and accept such an existence again.
Removing yourself from this world is not an option, because you will not experience peace, you will not experience rest and you will not escape from all that you currently experience within you: It’s not how it works Solbeena. And I would most certainly suggest you don’t consider it – because you will then realise you made one huge mistake and that you still exist the exact same way you experienced yourself here on earth, no different, yet also more intense, and that you will in anyway have to go through processes, exactly as you would’ve here on earth – so, I suggest you apply you in this process here on earth, it is much simpler to do this process here on earth than within the dimensional existence.
So, Solbeena, I suggest you stand up within you here on earth.
I hear you, from the perspective that you have ‘tried’ to help yourself – but herein is already the problem, the problem is within the word ‘tried’. Which then actually means that you haven’t actually ever really assisted and supported yourself at all – you just continued to accept and allow the experience within you. Because the word ‘try’ is used when you have already given up on yourself and didn’t actually really stand up within you to really actually assist and support yourself effectively.
Solbeena, what I have realised in removing myself from this world is that I actually in truth was ‘looking for a solution somewhere out there outside of me’, hoping it would be in another place – and it wasn’t there where I thought/believed it to be when I removed myself from this world and that my situation in the dimensions was no different to what it would’ve been here on earth – actually it had become much worse (as seen in what I have shared).
I was so stupid to think / believe that I’d actually find a solution to the experience of me outside of me, somewhere else, separate from me – because the solution was always actually right here: ME. That it is me as who I am that matters, that makes the difference – not where I am, that I will not find the solution to what I experience by running away from it, because this is giving up – this is not self honestly taking self responsibility for me as who I am in facing all that I have accepted and allowed within me.
Solbeena, self honestly: You have not actually really taken self responsibility for you and assisted and supported you effectively within the current situation you experience yourself within. I would suggest you actually really stand up within you and take self responsibility for you as who you are. We have to start, Solbeena, we have to stop what has become of this world, we must stop what we have accepted and allowed within ourselves, we must stop what we have done unto ourselves and others as ourselves and this is not done by running away, giving up or removing you from this world – and the only place we’re able to start is here within ourselves in every moment of breath by standing up and taking self responsibility.
The greatest gift you’re able to give you is self forgiveness, where you give you to you. I suggest to really actually start applying self forgiveness for all that you experience within you. All the pain and suffering you experience within you: You apply self forgiveness for. I’d suggest you write down your experiences in detail – all that you experienced within you from the past to where you are now and as you write you apply self forgiveness. Because in such a way, through writing, you release everything within you by placing it in words before you – and together with this, actually really apply self forgiveness. This is the first step of standing up within you and taking self responsibility – by releasing everything within you through writing it down / typing and applying self forgiveness as you do so.
Then to in every moment of breath – not accept / allow your mind as thoughts/feeling/emotions to influence you within you, because have a look – it is in participating in all those thoughts/feelings and emotions within you that is causing the pain and suffering – and YOU and ONLY YOU through application of every moment of breath by stopping participation in the thoughts, feelings and emotion together with self forgiveness is able to stop what you are currently experiencing within you: Nothing and no-one else can do it for you, you must assist and support you.
Don’t accept / allow you to give up on yourself. Have a look at what you’re able to do within this world with which you’re able to assist and support you in terms of earning money and then maybe another place to stay, get out there and see what you’re able to do, look at all options that provide the ability for you to earn money, maybe even at the same time a place to stay – but you actually have to get up and do it for you – be the solution and direct you and the experience within your world in such a way within which you’re able to assist and support you effectively. And also within this assist and support you within practical application in not accepting / allowing anything less than who you are. You have to direct you and your world – do not wait for something to happen for you, direct you and your world in such a way sop you may assist and support you effectively as you assist and support you within this process.
If you require any further assistance with regards to self forgiveness: Let us know – we’re here to assist and support you.